Grief.

There is no set way to grieve. There's no set time limit with grieving and I wish everyone would quit telling me to let go and move on.

I've been reading several books and they all tell me the same thing.


Don't judge yourself or try to set a particular course for healing. There is no one way to grieve the death of a spouse. There is only what you think and feel and the expressing of those thoughts and feelings.


Bereavement naturally results in social discomfort. Friends and family often withdraw from mourners, leaving us isolated and unsupported. While I hope this isn't the case for you, don't be shocked if some of your friends and family pull away. They often do this in an effort to protect their own emotions.

Widows often say, "I found out who my friends really are," after the death of a spouse.

The best way for you to respond in the face of faltering friendships is to be proactive and honest. Even though you're the one who is grieving, you may need to be the one to phone your friends and keep in touch.

[I tried and failed, by sending an email with no response.]

Unknowingly, you have probably internalized many of our societys harmful myths about grief and mourning.

I need to be strong and carry on.
Tears are a sign of weakness.
I need to get over my grief.
Death is something we don't talk about.


Your grief is your grief. It's normal and necessary. Allow it to be what it is. Allow it to last as long as it lasts. Strive to be an authentic mourner - one who openly and honestly expresses what you think and feel.

For many widows, waking up in the morning is the hardest part of their day. It's as if each time you awaken you must confront anew the realization that your lifemate has died.

There are 6 needs of mourning and number 3 means the most to me right now.

Remember the spouse who died.

To heal, you need to actively remember your spouse and commemorate the life that was lived.

Never let anyone take your memories away from you in a misguided attempt to save you from your pain. It's good for you to continue to display photos, for you to talk about your partners life and death. It's good for you to hold onto objects that belonged to your spouse.


The reason for me typing this is because so many people have said so many of these things to me and I felt I should type it up so you all know that I'm not crazy for feeling this way.