2009

I haven't blogged in a while and really don't know where to start. Things haven't been going very well this year for the 88 team. I'm not sure what it is, or even how long it'll take before it's fixed but I do know that I'll not stop supporting my driver and his team. If I'm dissapointed in the finishes and know that they can run better, then I can only imagine how Junior feels about this season. It's so frustrating when we know that he is capable of so much, he has the talent and the drive to win. It seems like he takes two steps forward and gets knocked back four more. I know they're trying to figure out whats wrong and I have faith that him, Rick, Tony Jr, and the rest of the personell will get it right and we'll start seeing that smile we saw at Talladega, again.

I've been through a lot over the past few months.. hell, it's been years. Sometimes I feel like things are never going to get better and then I guess I focus so much on racing and Dale Jr just to escape the reality of my own crappy life. I really don't understand how one person can have such an effect on another persons' mood. I don't know why I allow another person to dictate my moods as much as I have. Somedays I don't want to wake up. Other days the only reason I get out of bed is because I know I have to take care of my dogs and cat. If I don't, who will? It takes everything I have just to get to work. I hate my job but know I have to have it until I find a better one. I start college in the fall for photography and that's one thing I am really looking forward to. I've put it off and put it off for awhile because I was putting my wants and needs aside for others. I'm not anymore. I'm going to start doing things for me and me only. No more decisions based upon others, ever. I'm 22 years old and going through a divorce. I know we got married young and the past 8 years I've been more.. naive.. than I think anyone should ever be. It's sad when you realize you've been lied to since you were 15.. but shit happens I guess. I've grown up a lot over the past year, I just recently realized how much I had when he came back to me and our 'family' and I decided to let him go. I had to, I can't do another 8 years like the past 8 years have been. I don't have enough strength.

I know without my parents, the few friends I can trust, my dogs, cat and racing - I'd be completely lost. Life is a lot different lately and somedays I can't even function. Hopefully it won't be like this for too much longer and I can get on with my life.

I do have some neat things to look forward to though! In June I'm heading to Florida for a week of laying on the beach with my family, aunt, uncle and cousins! I can't wait. Then, August 4th - I'm headed to the Texas Motor Speedway for The Smoke Show! I won a $6,000 package at Fandango to go and meet Tony Stewart for his annual show! I get to do two ten lap sessions in a car and listening to Tony, I get three laps riding with him. We are going to be able to do Victory Lane, climb the fence, drivers intros and some other cool things. We also get breakfast, lunch and dinner with him as well. Oh! And I get a personalized fire suit. =] Very excited for it.

I hope to blog more often and I'll definitly let you all know how the smoke show goes. =]