Who does this?

We're at Big Kahunas in Florida, it's a waterpark. Standing in line with about 100 other people, holding our tubes and waiting to go down the slide.. and without warning I just start crying, trying to be as quiet as I can and not draw any attention I just cry. Who does this? Who stands in the middle of a crowd and feels so alone and the sadness just seems to creep and take over. There was a guy in the wave pool, that was about 16 or 17 that was wearing a life jacket. The life jacket was for the little kids, but I was watching him and his girlfriend and it hit me like a ton of bricks, Richard would have done the same embarrassing thing. He used to do things like that just to embarrass the crap out of me. He loved it. On that ride that I just started crying on, I think it was because we always did stuff like that together. We never went down as singles, we always had our double tubes and he'd try and wipe us out or tip us over. I caught myself thinking about it and wishing he'd just walk up behind me and wrap his arms around me. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm crawling out of my skin. I'm so tired of thinking about the next things in life. I'm just going through the motions right now, just having to get through one thing to get to the next. Some days I don't even see the point but I know I have to. I don't feel like I'll ever be happy again. I don't see that far into my future. Everyone keeps telling me I'll be dating again soon and I don't see that. What guy is going to want a 22 year old widow, with 5 dogs and a cat that is a nascar fan? I just don't see it.